I was blessed with a crazy family. On both sides. And they aren't shy about giving you their advice. I have fantastic friends too...they aren't shy either. Here's some of my favorite advice.
1. You knew what I was when you picked me up
My daddy always told me a story when I was frustrated with my own choices. It goes like this:
A man was at the top of a mountain getting ready to go down. A snake lying on the ground said, "Sir it's such a long way down. Will you carry me to the bottom?" The man thought and said, "No, you will bite me." The snake responded, "Oh no sir, if you help me I promise I won't bite you." So the man picked up the snake a carried him to the bottom of the mountain. When the man sat the snake on the ground it turned and bit him. "Why did you do that?! You promised you wouldn't!" The man yelled. The snake replied, "You knew what I was when you picked me up."
This story has proved to be true in so many things in life. Dating, friends, jobs...so many times we make unwise choices and get upset by it even though we knew what the outcome would be. Be careful of what you pick up.
2. Never date a man you wouldn't marry
My dad had three sisters. We call them the twisted sisters. They LOVE to tell you how to live your life. Sometimes it's disturbing, sometimes it's amazing advice.
When my cousins and I reached dating age my Aunt Pat always said, "Never date a man you wouldn't marry." I thought this was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. But there is a lot of truth in that statement. We meet someone. We start dating. Getting to know someone takes time but it rarely gets taken. So many times we jump right in to a relationship and get serious before we should.
I don't regret my marriage. It's given me three amazing children and taught me a lot about myself. But I jumped in. I wanted to be loved so badly and to be married. I can't say what would have happened if things would have went slower. Maybe we wouldn't have ended up here.
I will tell my girls this advice. And my Johnnie too...don't date someone you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with. Date someone who treats you with respect, sacrifices for you, worships with you, has the same values as you, and most of all loves you completely. If they don't meet your standards move on. Never ever settle for less.
3. You are who you hang with
More advice from the twisted sisters...
I like people most of the time. I trust too easy and get burned. When I was younger I was impressionable. If my friends wanted me to do it I usually did because I was afraid of the rejection. It's easy to get caught up in your situation and surroundings.
I didn't realize how important it was to guard yourself until I had my own kids. I'm scared for the people they will meet in their life. And I hope I raise them with enough sense to be true to God and themselves.
Scripture says:
Proverbs 12:26
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.- It's human nature to be like those around you I think. For the first time in my life I'm learning the value of true friendship. And I want to be with God fearing, honest, kind friends. And I'm learning sometimes it's better to cut unhealthy relationships out of your life.
4. Don't flog a dead horse
My Uncle Ken is the best man I've ever known. I truly believe God gave him to me to save me. If I'd have been given a choice for a dad he'd have been the man I picked. He's a rock solid Christian man. Works hard. He's usually pretty quiet but when he speaks it has a lot of meaning.
He's notorious for responding to situations with one sentence. My favorite is, "don't flog a dead horse."
I suck at letting go. I dwell on things. I worry. I ponder. I hang on with every single fiber of my being. It gets me no where. I just need to stop. You can't fix some things. Sometimes it's just better to let things be.
5. Either change it or love yourself
This is a new one. Just recently said to me by a complete stranger. He was funny and nice. We bonded over karaoke. As we watched the crowd around us and picked out songs we chatted about life. I'm a very open person and have a tendency to cut myself down. During one of my self critical moments he said, "Let me give you some advice. Either change it or love yourself." I was blown away. It wasn't anything I hadn't heard before, but this time it changed me.
I'm not stunning but I'm pretty. My skin sags. I'm big. I'm talking big. It's not attractive. Or at least that's what's been drilled in my head. I so often feel like I'm not good enough. And that no matter what good there is in me there will be no one who sees past my faults. I'm not a 100% on the loving me yet, but im working on it.
I'll never see that man again. But I'll never forget him. Ever. His words changed my life. It was a chance encounter and now a favorite memory. I love those moments in life. The ones that just happen and take you by surprise.
There it is. A few words. Things that have stuck with me. Stories I tell. Advice that has stuck with me. I may never be considered wise. I may never follow the advice I'm given. But I have learned a few things and I will learn a few more. And I will try to live a good life.
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