Joy cometh in the morning

Yesterday I told God He sucked. I was mad. I'm not nice when I'm mad. In the middle of my why-does-everyone-I-care-about-hurt-me tantrum I let God have it. I have mixed feelings about this. Probably not the wisest thing to say to the Almighty. The Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the End. 

Life sometimes is crap. It's not fair. It hurts. It sucks the very joy from your soul. I find it easy to stay in the lows of life. Even when it's good I'm waiting for it to go bad. 

Working in labor and delivery reminds me often that life sometimes is crap. But mostly it reminds me of hope. New life. Creation. And instantaneous love. That's the best part. 

This is my friend Amy. I love her. I met her three years ago on the L&D unit. This chick rocks. She can sew anything. She makes the absolute best asparagus and pea casserole ever. (Don't knock it until you try it.) She's really funny and when we are together we're down right hysterical. 

She's also tough. I'm talking rock solid. When I met Amy she was a young mother and widow. Not even in her thirties and had been through an unimaginable loss. I don't know all of her journey. It's not mine to know. But she shows joy and happiness. Even after a death that seems so unfair she has joy. 

And The Lord said: 

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

Isaiah 61:3

Yep I've used this verse before. But apparently I needed to hear it again. 

I'm so self absorbed these days I almost miss the amazing things in life. How God gives good. How sometimes life isn't crap, but extremely precious and rare. In the midst of my fit I felt The Lord show me the truth behind that verse. 

Meet Mikah Sueann. I'm stupidly in love with this baby. She's perfect. She's joy. And she's beauty....

My friend Amy has remarried. A fantastic man. As I watched them gaze upon their new baby it struck me; this right here is beauty for your ashes. God brought Shawn and Amy together. And from that came Mikah. And love.

I'll never understand why God took Amy on her journey. I'm sorry for the hurt she's endured. But I'm also inspired. I'm thankful for her friendship. I'm so glad God brought her into my life. 

I'm on my own journey. My hurts are different but they still hurt. God doesn't suck. He is faithful. Sometimes he says no. Sometimes he takes things away. I don't know where I'm going. I'm scared I'll endure it alone. I may not see it here on this earth, but I believe God will give me beauty for my ashes.