Where to go from here....

No one said this was going to be easy...I've heard that so many times. I hate hearing it. Mostly because it's the truth. Yet here I am. A morbidly obese mother of three currently getting divorced. It sucks. Like really sucks. It's the hardest thing I've had to do so far.

I don't hate him. I've thought I did a time or two. I certainly didn't get married thinking "you know what, I'm going to divorce this man!" I don't like him some days, but I don't hate him. I certainly wasn't raised to believe divorce is an answer. I believe in fighting for your marriage. But I also believe there are times when divorce happens. This is one of those times.

I really don't know why I thought blogging would help. I just know I've got a lot to say and no where to say it. I'm not sure how I reached this point. I don't like me. I don't like my body, my hair, my teeth, my voice, my overly emotional personality, my inability to let go, my neediness, and so on. I hate even more that I hate me. Self esteem has never been my strong suit. Nor has self control, joy, gentleness, and all the other things I'm supposed to be as a Christian woman. And I don't know how I ended up this way. But here I am.

I have three amazing children. And by amazing, I mean the most amazing children ever. Smart, brave, and ridiculously funny. The fact that they've survived me as a mother proves their strength. And there it is...a post full of cutting me down. I'm my own worst enemy. I am stopping this right dang now!

So this is my divorced slightly crazy life. It's chaotic. It's wild. Spontaneous and overwhelming. This is my journey into peace. Into becoming a mature woman of faith. One who is comfortable in her own skin. One whose faith and love of God is evident in her actions and one who totally rocks motherhood!

Galatians 5:22-23

New International Version (NIV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love,joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.