Feelings

I haven't written in a long time. I haven't felt it. Writing is a creative outlet. One I do mostly by feeling. I'm not sure if I've been content, depressed, or too busy to feel. Today I feel. Lots of things. 

I'm headed out tonight for a bachelorette party. I used to love weddings. And I used to believe in love. I'm happy for my friend. I support her choice and truly hope her wedding and marriage are everything she's ever dreamed of. Certain parts of me are envious. Envious of the excitement, the hope, and the happiness. Most of me is afraid for her. That her heart will be broken. I see relationships through pessimistic eyes. I won't be a negative Nancy at her bachelorette party or her wedding. 

I've said many times that I don't believe in love. And I don't. I believe in the kind of love that you feel for your children, your family, and for your friends. But I do not believe in "in love." Being with someone is a choice. I don't believe there is only one person destined just for you. I do believe we choose to care, to want to be with one person, to respect, and to cherish. However, we can choose to not do it just as easily. 

I feel other things today. It's beautiful outside. Sunshine and warm weather bring me a sense of pure happiness. I mowed my grass until I ran out of gas in my mower. I really suck at yard work. I've almost burnt my fence down. I've almost broke my mower. And I have a flower bed full of weeds and I have no idea how to make it look better. My lack of landscaping skills is very amusing. 

So I'm laying on my couch, with Hank the Wonder Dog near by. I'm thinking. And feeling. And writing. Ironically, writing makes me FEEL better. It's peaceful. This post has no clear direction or theme. I'm ok with that. It's just me sailing along...