Family schmamily

I'm writing tonight in perplexity. My last post was shocking to some. It contained taboo subject matter. It was hurtful. Grotesque. Ugly. I knew that it would bring pain to some. And I knew it would set parts of me free. 

I know who my biological father is. I've checked him out at the grocery store numerous times. And at my Grandma's funeral, one of my uncles introduced me as his brothers daughter. But I was never his. 

When my mom got married I got a whole new family. Cousins, aunts, uncles, nanny and papa. I loved them. I still do. Very deeply. We've all been mad at each other for various reasons. And then forgiven or at least tolerated the other person. They are mine. Or were. 

Fifteen minutes after my last blog post I received a phone call from an aunt. I let it go to voicemail. It was astounding. I was kicked out of the family. I understand their pain and disbelief. They were aware. Cried with me when they found out saying they would have saved me. And now because I broke the silence that has entrapped me, I got the boot. 

I was deleted from facebook accounts. Told "even if" those things happened I didn't need to tell the whole county. Appearances in the community are taking precedence over my healing, my journey. 

Here's my conclusion. Fine. Go for it. Disown me. I'll still be me. I'll still love you. I'll still want healing between us. However, I won't be silent anymore. I won't be held under the bondage. I now know who I am. I'm fine with it.  My family has no shame to bear. If the entire world knows the baggage isn't theirs to carry. 

And here's some more of what I've learned. Family is who loves you for you. Who comes when you need it. When my darling Shelbie had her seizure there was an army of people from OB waiting for me. Organized by my soul mate Hil. After my recent surgery they were the ones who called, sent pizza, texted, and came by. That's my family. Then ones I want in the trenches of despair and on the hills of happiness. 

I still stand.