Working labor and delivery is like guarding the gate of life and keeping shut the gate of death. That sounds so dramatic, but that's because it is.
I've seen a lot through my years there. Things I'm proud to say I was a part of and bad things I wish I could unsee. Birth is beautiful, mesmerizing, exciting, messy, and the biggest high ever. I work a job now, but on L&D I worked a passion.
Hearing that first cry of a newborn is one of my favorite sounds. I get excited now as I write. I've even held my breath sitting at my desk while patients were pushing. I cannot ever describe the joy that fills me from those experiences.
But the world must have balance. For every moment of joy, there's a moment of sheer heartbreak. I've never experienced the heartbreak of losing my child. I'm terrified of it. I don't ever want to experience those feelings. And yet I understand.
Death at times seems so unnecessary. So unfair. I hate it. There are women whose faces I might not remember but I still hear their cries over a baby they didn't get to take home. I can still remember the first baby I held that had passed. I've taken pictures of babies that fit in the palm of my hand. I've cried in the bathroom floor, in the arms of my coworkers, and with patients who needed someone to cry with them.
Today I read this.
It's earth shattering. Truth at its bare core. And I ache for her from the very depths of my soul. And I'm angry.
I have never believed in abortion. When I was younger it was because I was taught it was wrong. I couldn't have argued my case. Now I know my reasons.
In Jeremiah 1:5 the bible says, "Before I formed you in your mothers womb, I knew you." I believe whole heartedly life begins at conception. That in the womb the baby is living. No they don't breathe air, but their body is forming and growing. I believe abortion kills.
In my adulthood I understand the reasons why some choose that path. I have compassion on those in hopeless situations and I'm angry at those who don't have the common sense to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.
Today I'm angry for those who have longed to love and hold their baby and can't. I'm angry at those who don't validate their stillborn children as a human life because it justifies their pro-choice ideals. I'm angry that there's controversy over whether or not a government funded program is selling body parts of aborted infants. I'm angry that doctors and nurses don't get to choose life when they can't find the heartbeat. And I'm angry that I live in a society that allows "human beings" to be so butt hurt over a commercial that a grieving mother feels the echo of her loss in a profound way.
You don't have to believe what I believe. You don't have to like me. Live your life. You know the one where you started out a human in your mothers womb; with a heartbeat, a functioning brain, lungs that practiced breathing, and a body that required nutrients to survive. And I'll live mine.
